Does the world need to change? And who for?

So I was talking to my boyfriend a while ago about an ADHD article I shared with him and it got him mentioning some other articles he’s read from the autistic/neurodiverse community that were saying things like “the world needs to change for us”. I didn’t realise until a while ago, but it appears that there are neurodivergent people out there creating a “them and us” mentality, which sadly makes sense to me but also really upsets me.

And it’s got me thinking about the world and whether it really does need to change, and I actually think it does. Does it need to change for us? Well, yes, but not the “us” in the neurodivergent sense of the word. I genuinely think the world needs to change for all of us.

Since getting my ADHD diagnosis (oh, yeah that happened!) I’ve been talking to my boys more about neurodivergence and how everyone’s brains (neurotypical and neurodivergent) are different. The jury is out on whether my boys are neurodivergent, I have my suspicions and my diagnosis increases the chances, but I’ve always tried to cater for their individual differences anyway and this will never change. But I’ve realised I’ve never thought of it, and I’ve not explained it, as a “them and us” thing and I can’t understand why I would.

When it comes to neurological differences, much like physical differences, all I strive for is for my boys to accept, respect, and allow for other people’s differences. To work with people’s differences, not against them. To recognise their own strengths and weaknesses and how they may differ to others. To be able to say to another person “I can see you’re struggling with this, how can I help?” with an understanding of WHY the person is struggling but without making them feel like it’s a something they should be ashamed of. Because, after all, different is just….different. It’s not better or worse.

And that’s why I’m struggling with the idea that the world needs to change for just one group of people, and not for everyone. What’s the point in making the neurotypical community accept us if we can’t accept them in return? Why should they make all the adjustments? Now, arguably (and I said this to my boyfriend) I have been making adjustments for other people my entire life by masking, should I not be of the opinion that it’s their turn to adjust for me? No, I shouldn’t. It’s not that simple. We need to work together, meet somewhere in the middle where we can all be comfortable.

I understand that there is still a lot of misconceptions about autism, and therefore a lot of “but you don’t look autistic” style attitudes that some, understandably, refer to as ignorance. Or, in the case of ADHD, “everyone struggles to get things done sometimes, you just need to try harder”. This sort of advice is NOT helpful, I’ll admit. But in the same way we have some feminists shouting about how terrible all men are, I fear we could be heading the same way with some autistics shouting about how terrible all neurotypical people are. And that’s just not true. Or fair.

I think what I’m getting at is that there is SO much hate in this world. So many people just waiting for someone to slip up so they can publicly shame them. So many people painting entire groups of people with a tainted brush based on the actions of only a few. So many people abusing and hurting others simply because they have a different opinion to them.

So when I say that the world needs to change, I mean we need less hate. We need less judgement. Less greed. The world needs to change for our kids who are growing up in a social media and “like” fuelled world that scares the shit out of me. There are plenty of people already trying to make these changes. But there are so many people making this world a more difficult place. Trying to force their opinions on others, and shaming those who don’t agree.

We need to show our kids our differences. Whether that’s physical and obvious, or neurological and therefore more hidden. We need to let them see our differences and learn from them. Respect them. Make friends with them. Listen to each others stories to help understand each other. And that means the minorities, in my case the neurodivergent, listening to stories from the majority too. And I mean REALLY listen. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll realise we’re not THAT different after all.

So, yes, the world does need to change for us. Every single one of us. Not just some of us.

Xx

Starting again, again…..again?

I say starting again, but I dont even know where to start. A lot of people will see this as my first ever blog post because they didn’t know the blog before I took it down. Some people will remember Me, My Boys & I version one. And that makes it tricky working out quite how or where to begin. And this isn’t the first time I’ve started this blog again.

You see, things with the last version of my blog didn’t end so well and I’m here to ensure that doesn’t happen again. And so I’m trying to find the right balance between being open and honest about myself and my experiences while protecting other people’s privacy as much as possible. I also need to find that balance of positivity in what I write, without losing sense of reality. I’ve done it before so I know I can do it again.

I’m the same person I was when I was first writing my blog, but I’m in a very different place than I was, and a much better place at that. I hope that comes across in my posts. I love blogging as it’s like my therapy, and I know there are people who enjoy what I write and resonate with it. I’ve discovered SO much about myself over the last few years, stuff that literally makes all of my experiences fall into place and make me realise why I am the way I am, and why I LIKE the way I am. I’ve let go of almost all of my negativity, and any negativity that is left (let’s face it, we all have some) is not welcome in my writing. This blog is about the amazing experience that is my life, written in my own unique way with a side of honesty and humour. And I can’t wait to get started.

Xx